i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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