don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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