Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
