Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
