I just gift wrapped bread.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
