just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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