WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
