How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
