I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize