He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
