I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
