happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
