New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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