I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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