got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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