I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
