I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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