he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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