I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
