Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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