Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
