I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
