i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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