i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
