So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
