If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize