I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
