Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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