my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
