What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize