if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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