Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
