Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
