He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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