We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone came in the potted fern
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
