textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
