how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My vagina is officially offended.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize