I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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