do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
