We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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