I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
