I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize