just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
