I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
