he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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