I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
