So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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