it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
