So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
