May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
