Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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