Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize