if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
