Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she looked like the before picture.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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