I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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