Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
