How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
