Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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