i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
