There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
