I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
