I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
