Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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