It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
