We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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