Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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