babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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