when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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