Tell her she can't have a vagina
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
