haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
