i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
