Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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