Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
