I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
