U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
