i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
