Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
