Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
