Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
