your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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