I feel like I'm in dance class right now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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