Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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