Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
