I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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