you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
