genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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