my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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