oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
