At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
