hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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