he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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