But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
