Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
